well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
