So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
