so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
