I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
