you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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