Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
