Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
