wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
