I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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