I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
