i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize