Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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