Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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