Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
