This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
