Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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