it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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