i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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