omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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