your parents love me but you hate me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
