i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
