I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
