I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
