I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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