i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
