I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
