Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
