It's like God shit irony all over that family
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize