The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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