I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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