I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
