i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
