She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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