it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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