If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize