I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
