i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
