I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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