It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
