Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
