Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
