How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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