really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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