He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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