i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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