My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
