She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
