I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
