Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
