and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
