booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
