he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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