So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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