Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
