Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
