i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
