garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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