based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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