He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
