Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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