peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
