i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
