just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
