remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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