It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
