my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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