like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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