remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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