he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
