I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
